Burning Orbs Of Indigo
by Shadowed Violin
Summary: What happened when Doc put Wanda under with the intention of her dying? What did she think, feel, see...? And when she was placed in Pet? How did she realise who and what she truly was? "And so I was born once more; a mere girl with the mind of a Soul; finally opening my eyes to see that luminous indigo…because whose eyes were they if they weren't mine?"


The Host

Burning Orbs Of Indigo

* * *

By; Shadowed Violin

Disclaimer; I do not own 'The Host'.

* * *

_My name is Wanderer._

I have lived on nine planets, and Earth, in Pets' body, shall be my tenth. Unlike the other Souls, who found a planet, a home, a partner, I have wandered for millennia.

_Until now._

When I arrived on this strange planet, with emotions that overwhelmed, and thoughts that overpowered me, I was shocked. Never in all my years as a Soul had I ever encountered such a species…how they _felt, _as if every second were their last…

And then the Seekers had me placed in Melanie Stryder, a young woman who _resisted. _ Every second she resided in my mind, I felt myself growing closer to humanity as a whole, sympathizing with them.

Caring for them.

Another Soul had once referred to it as 'going native'. I think I quite like that portrayal.

But I couldn't stay - doing what I was doing; being a parasite, _stealing _the life that rightfully belonged to Mel…my friend…my confidant…my _sister…_

It wasn't right.

And I would not stand for it.

That is when I went to Doc, extracting a promise from him –that of which he broke – to remove me from Melanie and let me die; bury me with my friends.

'_I won't take up much space-' _I had said, and how he had sobbed- for _me- _a parasite.

So many feelings had arisen inside of me…for Jared, and Jamie – oh, my little Jamie – Melanie, Jeb, and Ian…my one and only partner.

Fate was cruel; I should be so brave to think. For centuries I had lived, moving from one planet to another, and then, when I finally found my home, the only place I had ever wanted to stay, I had to go…

But I couldn't.

And so, I had to die.

Leaving Ian was… at the very least, extremely difficult. However, he would be better off with someone else; a human. One who was _born _into their body, had _lived _in it, that _deserved _it.

I was a Soul.

A tiny thing that could sit in ones' palm.

I had once told Ian that if he were to hold _me _in his hand, he would feel disgust, drop me on the floor, and grind me into the ground.

And he had replied; '_Not if I knew it was you.'_

I had hidden how deeply that had cut me. Ian had implied that he _did _find me repulsive.

But I was glad he had told me the truth.

This planet, with all these lies, betrayals, loves and hates…

It wasn't healthy.

And I couldn't bring myself to care much.

I had lain down on the table, and the good Doc had put me under, said a few words over what was soon to be _my _dead silver body, and I had _wandered _once more…

One last time, into not a cold and dark Universe, but a brilliant, fiery blue that encompassed me in its warm embrace.

How I had trailed so willingly into that blue- a colour which was the exact same shade as _his _eyes.

My sister had said to me; _'The Universe will be a much darker place without you…' _

How our heart had swelled with love…

And then I was no more.

.

.

.

_Or so I had thought. _

* * *

Into oceans of vivid blue I had delved, breathing in the feeling of having finally done something _right._

Just that long-awaited silence.

That freedom of guilt.

The wonder of never having to feel such conflicted emotions ever again.

Giving in…succumbing…and existing no more.

.

.

.

But then I was aware, and moving…I didn't know why, all that I knew was that I was disorientated, confused, and I wanted to fall back into those burning orbs of blue.

It was so _warm…_

Not the slow burn of passion that I had learned to identify, or the warm feeling of love, but it was the heat of a hellish desert, the thirst of a parched throat…the _need _for the cool embrace of shade.

And then my prayers were answered; for I was cold again, the heat staved off at last. Into the abyss of my mind I travelled again, a glimmering blue at the edges of my consciousness my only companion.

.

.

.

Slowly, a picture floated up to me; a warm, welcoming day…a smile…

_Pet. I was Pet._

_Sitting._

_I was sitting on the grass. Strangers were approaching._

_A woman, strong and tall, with broad shoulders…_

_A boy…_

_They seemed kind._

_Sunglasses._

_Wary._

_A lie!_

_Humans!_

_NO._

_Please…p-please._

_'No!' I had cried out._

_I?_

_Or her?_

_I _was _her._

That blue was back, pulsing, shining, _insistent._

I had never seen such a stark blue…

_Had I?_

_Pet had not…_

_…but I had._

.

.

.

And so I was born once more; a mere girl with the mind of a Soul; finally opening _my _eyes to see that luminous indigo…because whose eyes were they if they weren't mine?

No longer was my Universe a dreary black; but the mysterious colour of twin flaming orbs that scorched me with _love…_

.

.

.

And so began my long-awaited tenth life-

Earth is my planet.

These caves are my home.

Ian is my partner.

_And no longer shall I wander, for now I am Wanda._


End file.
